Such a bad day...

I don't know why I feel like crying. I just do. I feel depressed a lot these days and I don't know why. I think I'm the happiest I have even been. I have a wounderful boyfriend who always try's to help me when somethings wrong, he drives 8 hours to visit me everyother weekend, and well.... he loves me, wants to merry me. I'm finished college now. I have a few very close friends that are willing to help me out when I need it and are there when I'm depressed.

I don't think I have a lot of big problems. It's a big mix of the little one's that get me. I make the problems bigger than they are. I just feel like there are sooo many of them. I don't know how to handle them all. The little things include:
- My weight, i know i'm not big but I just feel like I am.
-I have no REAL income. Sure I babysit but that's not the kind of money I need.
-I have bills to pay. I wish I never went to school. At least that bill wouldn't be so BIG

Why are you sitting alone you ask? Well, the reason is quite simple. After having an argument with my mother, Adam and his friend Gerard came up. They were going to use the meatle detector to go looking for spare change and stuff. The first five minnutes were fine. Low grass area, then they decided to go on to the quad trails. I couldn't go for a few good reasons. There is poison ivy, I don't have the right shoes or socks. As they walked down the trail I just walked back to the house. I don't think they even noticed. I would have loved to have some fun today. I could have gotten a tan, and had fun because when I get home it's going to be cool weather and there's no one there to do that kind of thing with. For me fun is NOT: watching people with their bf's constantley, cleaning a house or spending all day at the mall. I'm not prissy. I don't think about boys or make-up or acting like I;m thirty. I just feel like life is no fun anymore. Everyone else gets to have fun except me. I'm always alone and always unhappy.

I can just see how the rest of my life is going to be. I'll get bigg(er), never hear from my friends, and do things alone.

I may as well get used of it now because things are never going to change.